my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
