genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize