So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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