I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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