Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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