it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
