Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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