I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
