just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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