Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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