I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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