I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
