I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
