guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
