i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
