We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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