i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
