I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
