Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
