Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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