i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
