We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
