I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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