Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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