Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
