i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
