Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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