Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
