how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
