His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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