apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
