i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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