No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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