my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
