this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
