i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
