I wanna passion pit in your ass
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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