I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
