Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
