i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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