and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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