I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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