just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
