my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
