So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
