Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
