Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
