i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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