oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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