I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
