Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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