Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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