I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
