you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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