She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
