ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
