I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
