This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
