i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
