He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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