So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
