Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't deserve a penis
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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