3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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