he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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