Duck Duck Cougar?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
