I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
