i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
