Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
