Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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