i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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