Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
