Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The beer is more important than you right now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
